Last post....and school???

Before the PC "Maybe" gets packed away... I say maybe because I'm having to work every evening and Darrens response has been to get stuck into the packing ( On thank you god, you are good to me... keep the overtime rolling in ;-))
So I dont actually know what will get packed next! I came home tonight to find all the kids home ed/reference books and resources missing... in the car and will be delivered tomorrow!
So home ed, all bar workbooks is now off....I wonder if packing would be considered child labour or maybe an essential life skill???

We have some slightly expected/unexpected but for me, challenging news.

Sophie has asked numerous times recently to go back to school. She misses having a group of friends she sees regularly, despite being bullied and actively asking to be home educated and remain at home when we missed out on a place at the catchment school here, all of a sudden its all change and she wanted to go to 'a' school like her sisters. ( small, small classes, caring, unlike state schools!)
We felt it was just not do-able until we heard about a small ( less than 120 pupils) independent christian school nearby which was very well regarded and we could just afford it now I'm working most evenings, that's if they would take us. The fees are cheap, I cant really see how they cover the costs never mind make enough to pay staff but somehow they must. Hence them takingf 'us' on. Thy certainly dont run as a profitmaking organisation thats for sure!

We visited yesterday and she hid behind me for about 1/2 the afternoon but after meeting the special needs teachers( one of whom home educated her kids inc one dyslexic for 12 years) and being able to chat to some of the children, learning that they are incredulous about being asked "Have you ever been bullied here?" and also positive and cheeky, lively and happy she asked if she could maybe try for just a day?

I just don't know how I feel about it, sad, happy, confused.... I wasn't sure I wanted a return to 'school' however its not the state system which I can see for my children is massively damaging.
As for Sophie, she had packed her old school bag ready for friday( the day she will try it) first thing this morning and was dragging me off round tesco to ensure she had what she would need.
The school is completely supportive of home education and has a proportion of students who flexi school so that's what we will arrange for her if she likes it on Friday, until such time as she decides she either wants to be home educated or start there full time which will possibly arise as an issue in September when arrangements will need to be firmed up one way or another.

All the children work at their own pace and can be up down whatever in a whole range of subjects and the children are a max of 16 per class (for educational reasons but also they just don't have room for more, its run in 3 church halls!)The children with any additional learning needs all have full time group support in mainstream, much more than would be offered in a state school.

On reflection Ive given it a lot of thought and can see that both Sophie and Connor have very different learning styles and needs which I do struggle to meet at the same time. Sophie is so academic and loves the written word, workbooks..aspires to a raft of GCSE's and university I feel Sophie does miss out on what she needs. If flexi-schooling can give her what she needs then I will go with it.

At the end of the day all I can do is my best, my best to give my children the things I think they need, and hopefully the result will be their security and happiness and from that ( I believe) is borne success. I hope I'm right. Like most parents I suspect I'll get a lot wrong however Ive learned a lot about autonomy since taking the home ed path for my family and, as with Chloe, I need to think what Sophie wants and needs on all sorts of levels, rather than only what I would choose for her "If I had my way...." But as with Chloe who strongly chose school ( her school) and continued to choose school despite knowing she could choose home education if she wanted to. I feel Sophie needs to be able to say "actually, I'm choosing school, if this is OK for me and I am happy, this is what we do". Whether that's flexi school or full time. That's autonomy in action

But I admit I'm struggling.... I distrust 'schools' so much after what the last school my children was in did to all of us ( esp my mental health) that its so hard to trust again that things will be OK.
I guess I needed to write all this down to kind of form it all in my head... it is a trust thing, can I let go? will it be OK? nobody knows really do they but I think I owe it to Sophie to let my own feelings take a back seat and as always as I promised myself and Chloe when i first had Chloe that I would put her first..( and I consciously looked at her as a teen mum and promised my newborn that) I did and shes thriving and now her younger sister has to be the one who challenges me,who I continue to remind myself of that promise... to put their needs first. We can't all have what we want but we should always if possible have what we need.That's my job as her Mum

Thanks for listening, maybe Ill get to post an update after Friday, maybe I wont....!! ( but If I wont, hopefully Ill be in our new house)

Oh and our nightmare neighbour, his son and his sons friends urinated on our front door the day before yesterday.... another reason for leaving asap....... I wont miss this place!