Back to life... Back to reality

Now Xmas is over its back to work, with a heavy heart. Ive never felt like this before. I work in a lovely place, I consider my colleagues my friends we have a whole lot of fun and I think for the most part can see we make a difference ( I work in a leisure centre in a mixed area, some kids have very little and are expected to be 'out' all day) I like most of the kids I spend time with and hope they get as much from me as I get from them!
But now that its time to go back and Im home educating my children and staying with them seems too important for things like work, albeit it pays the bills! It seems selfish saying it but I'm so torn at having to go back... silly eh?
My peace was rudely shattered the day after New Years day while we were at my brothers house celebrating his partners birthday... my line manager giving me details of the course I have to go on, 8-6 every day next week... which sent me into a complete spin, what the heck do I do with the kids all day? Why did I not have more warning? Then even my own mother said "But the kids will be in school..!" ERRR EARTH TO MOTHER??? SCHOOL?? REALLY?? THE YOUNGER ONES DONT DO SCHOOL ANY MORE!!!!! It makes me realise how much everyone takes school for granted as "that place we send the kids while we go to work for 40 weeks a year" rather than where we choose to send our children willingly and enthusiastically and hope they will become educated, rounded individuals!!! This was also when I encountered the "are you mad or what?" reaction when I explained why this was an issue to my brothers partner! Her face said it all!

Fortunately my childcare issues have been sorted between my mum ( who isnt in the best of health) and my lovely friend K who have between them sorted looking after them, sometimes I feel so blessed I could cry! The generosity of some people I have in my life never fails to amaze me. I know the children will be ok, wont miss me too much and will have a ball while I go on this damned course ( which I wanted to do!!)while the eldest will be back where she wants to be, in the school she adores with her mates shes missed so much!
It seems a wierd juxtaposition doesnt it? two at home and one in boarding school! It does work for them all honestly!

And now thoughts turn to tomorrow when I have to don my swimsuit and in full view of all my collegues do a 'pool test' at 10am which Im reliably informed involves the sort of things I havent had to do since I was about 13 in a school PE lesson... and everyone else did theirs while I was at Disney... How convenient! Im sure theyve all cooked this up to have a damned good giggle at my expense!